I am a bad Cannuck.

I am not a faithful Cannuck fan. I would rather not watch you play it, because...

1. Ice hockey, by consequence of being on ice, is cold. Even on a nice sunny day, Ice Hockey takes place in a cold arena with painfully bold fluorescent lighting. And unless you've paid for a seat, you are sitting on a hard concrete or metal bench.

2. Hockey players have nothing on Mexican soccer players (sorry, 'football' players). Hockey players are often poorly groomed and have lost teeth to the sport. Additionally, if they are attractive, their efforts are lost behind their unflattering helmets.

3. Nothing happens during a typical hockey game. An exciting game from the spectator's perspective is usually classified as a bad game by the players. When hockey isn't boring, its because it isn't being played well. Either someone falls, the goalie get obliterated by pucks, or a fight breaks out (preferably involving a defenseless elderly ref).

Hockey is my national sport, but I just cannot muster the loyalty it deserves. I shamefully regret all the years I spent as a shivering pubescent girl sitting on the cold hard benches pretending I could distinguish one player from another.